Questions for God

I’ve been giving this a lot of thought over the years about what I would ask God if I were to die.  Sounds morbid, right?  It’s not really, I promise.  First of all, I’m not a serious person, not usually, so my questions are very tongue and cheek.

Think about it…everyone probably has the same kind of list:

1.)  What was the meaning of life?

2.)  Why was there misery, suffering, poverty, sickness and all those forms of pain we as humans go through?

3.)  Why did _____ happen to me?

So on and so forth,  right?  I mean, I picture the Pearly Gates with a big FAQ sign next to them to cut down on these kinds of questions.  Maybe when you die everything you wanted to know will be told to you in some sort of Vulcan mind meld type thing.

I’m working on a list of questions I bet God never thought He’d hear.  Well, I suppose He would know because He’s supposed to know everything before it happens.   Here they are in no particular order:

1.)  Remember that Spice Girls song “Wannabe”?  Of course you do.  Well, what does Zigga-zig-ah mean?

2.)  Why is it, that while my apartment is fairly spacious, full of cat friendly surfaces, Meeko feels the need to lay or sit beside me (while I’m eating or trying to fall asleep) to noisily lick his ass?

3.)  What was the point of Elizabeth Hasselbeck?  She was a dare, right?

4.)  What is the correct way to put the toilet paper roll on?  Over or under hand?

5.)  Do you ever get the urge to get all old testament and smite someone with a lightning bolt or plague of locusts?

6.)  Why are fingers called fingers?  They don’t “fing”.

7.)  I know everything You do has a purpose…but body odour and bad breath?  Is this a punishment for the whole apple deal?

8.)  Does the song “If God Was One of Us” by Joan Osborne insult you?

If you could ask God anything at all, even something completely asinine, what would it be?


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