Big Book of British Smiles

Yesterday I got in a wee bit of trouble at work.  A minor scolding but, a scolding none the less from the boss.  We had done this story about how Britons were the ugliest people in the world according to a controversial website that rates attractiveness.  1 in 8 British men and 1  in 20 British women were deemed attractive enough to be on this website.  So we chatted a bit about that, about how it’s  a surefire way for you to take a knock to your self esteem to submit your photo and have it judged by others.  It’s incredibly superficial but if it’s important to date something beautiful (but mostly likely vacuous, so be it.)


Give us a kiss then...

After the commercial break I came in over the top of the song, I said something to the effect of “Don’t believe us?  Just look at Camilla.  What was Charles thinking?  Woof.”  The term ‘horsefaced’ may have even slipped out.  It was funny, and I stand by that.  She is an ugly, ugly woman.  How do you cheat on Princess Di with Camilla Parker-Bowles?  That’s like saying, “I don’t want prime rib for supper, I’d rather have a spamwich.”  That’s right.  I went there.  What I wonder is how her daughter Laura Parker-Bowles is so smokin’ hot?


She must be adopted...

Clearly, I didn’t learn my lesson.  We just did a bit about how you can now be genetically matched to a mate.  The experts say genetic compatibility means better sex, less cheating, longer-lasting love and healthier kids.  My line?  “Just ask Prince Charles.  Worked for him.”  More subtle this time.  Bad SJ.  Bad.

It’s like the time Beam and I got in trouble for taking 2 minutes to make fun of Anne Murray.  Honestly, it wasn’t my intent.  I had pointed out a lyric in one of her songs about the wine making her a fool.  Somehow this evolved into doing her concert from a recliner, saying things like “I love you man” and forgetting the words to her songs and just kinda mumbling along.  In retrospect, it wasn’t necessarily a good idea to make fun of a core artist on this kind of format.  Beam always was a little devil on my shoulders when it came to stuff like that.

I remember at Christmas, we were talking about that horrible Michael Keaton film “Jack Frost” not to be mistaken for the horror movie of the same name.  Beam makes reference to the “carrot scene” and if you’ve never seen the movie, it’s…of a violent sexual nature where the carrot is no longer on the evil snowman’s face.  It’s not something you could take seriously, the entire film is a farce.  But you just don’t talk about that on this format, possibly any format.  I couldn’t help but laugh about it later.

This is the problem with this format, my boss says to me, “SJ I want you to be more like yourself on the air.  Like you are outside the studio.  Only say f*ck less.  And when I say ‘less’ I mean ‘never’.”  It makes me think he’s trying to get me fired.  MORE like myself?  I’ve got a warped sense of humour and not a day goes by where someone doesn’t laugh and shake their head, saying “Oh, SJ”.

Okay, so today is Friday the 13th.  Dun dun dun.  The trivia question for this morning was based around this concept and the winner says to me, “Friday the 13th.  Do ya know why it’s unlucky?  I got married on the 13th.  And you know what?  …I’m divorced.”  Followed by a maniacal cackle.  Old people are funny.

On a nerdy note, I think I’ve discovered my favourite Middle English word.  It’s BARELY a period word, used for the first time by Shakespeare in 1597 when he wrote “I have led my ragamuffins where they are peppered: there’s not three of my hundred and fifty left alive; and they are for the town’s end, to beg during life.”  It means to be a dirty, shabbily clothed child.  An urchin.  Also defined as a muffin begin a poor thing, so a ragamuffin is a poor thing in rags.  Either way, fun word.  Fun to say.  God I’m a nerd.

More nerd stuff…I’m working on my device.  I  have a basic design I sketched out while I was drinking last night (hello apple juice and spiced rum!).  I really like it but I might tweak it just a little and it still needs colour which means I need to pick up some colour pencils.  Maybe I’ll splurge and get myself some really good ones.  Anyway, I’ve combined 2 animals and included a chevron as well.  I think if I tried to work a crescent moon into it, the whole thing would be too busy.  I like it so far, though.  The bird I used is that of the German coat of arms, which has existed going back to the 1400th century.  I’m wondering what the rules are about borrowing from actual heraldry.  I might change the wings and give it a less rigid, less militaristic look.  The idea is that because my persona name is “Adelhayt von Richter” (where von indicates some kind of nobility) that perhaps that nobility is from military service.

Speaking of the SCA, tonight I’m going to buy my membership.  Still holding on to the hope I win that robe.  I’m at the brink of what I set max bid at, but I’m willing to go higher, so we may snipe in at the last minute to get it.  There’s another red up for grabs if I can’t get this one, and failing that a black robe that I’ll see about snazzing up.


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