I Smell Like a Big Almond

Yesterday was a quiet day, except while I was at my workout.  The lady who treats me brought her friend along to train her on working the system.  A little odd to be tortured in front of an audience (besides Dutchess, of course) but it was the first time since we changed where the electrodes go that I twitched.  It was really weird because even on a low setting I couldn’t make my leg stop twitching, and the more we amped up the TRIPLE the twitchier it got.  I was maxed out at about 7.5 …I probably could have gone to 8 but I was in a bit of pain already.

After I got home, I realized that my tummy is looking a bit flatter.  This kept me from pigging out on pie and ice cream.  Sorta.  I had some ice cream but about 1/3 of a cup instead of a giant heap of it with a slice of pie.  With this system I actually don’t need to eat any differently, but I figure whatever helps.  Been eating a lot of soup lately and skipping the big portions of meat.  The other day I actually CRAVED a salad.  Weird.  I should start drinking my smoothies again.

I’ve definitely lost some weight (and gained muscle mass too), lost some inches on the thighs (where we’re targeting) but I know that with the Sismo machine I’ve also lost elsewhere.  Stuff just fits differently.

Okay, so after my treatment (which is in a health food/natural meds store) I decided to take some advice from Cortejo and look into 3-6-9 oil.  I explained to the woman what I was looking for (she’s one of the two owners and some kind of doctor) and how my skin is dry and most lotions give me a rash/hives and make me want to peel my skin off.  She says the capsules are a good idea but since the skin is that dry I should be using straight oil.

Me:  Baby oil?

French Woman:  Non non non!  That is garbage.

Me:  Okay…so…what kind?

FW:  Almond, wheat or avocado.  Come, come, I will show you.

Me:  <Looking at the oils>Okay, I guess I can try this almond one.

FW:  Now, child, do you exfoliate?

Me:  …Ah, no?

FW:  WHY NOT?! <French word I can’t spell but sounds like BAYNE>

(I was actually so startled I stuttered)

Me:  I…I…I…do-do-don’t k-k-know?  <Helpless palms up shrug>

FW:  <Exasperated sigh that the French have perfected>  Come with me, then.  You will want to buy this mitt.  Circular motions starting at the feet and all the way up, always towards the heart.  What kind of soap do you use?

(At this point I’m afraid to tell her anything)

Me:  …Someone told me for sensitive skin like mine, baby soap was good.  So I tried Baby’s Own.

FW:  GARBAGE!  That is an old recipe that hasn’t changed in years.  You might as well be using nothing! <French word again>

Me:  <Flinch>  What…is a good soap?

FW:  Something with calendula.  C’est trop cher, but it’s worth it.

Me:  …I…well…I think I’ll start with this stuff and then see about a new soap?

$19 later I feel greasy and soft…and like a complete moron.  The mitt is kinda weird and hurts a little bit but apparently I’ll have nice skin once I’m done.  The only problem is, I can’t reach the truly itchy spot on my back with any of this stuff.  According to the bottle of Sweet Almond Oil, I can put some in the bathtub.  Maybe I’ll try that.

I don’t know what to tell you.  I was raised by a man who told me flat out that when I made that leap from child to woman he was going to take me to the hospital and make the nurse deal with it.  Even after he got married (and my step mom saved me from an embarrassing trip to the ER) I never got a crash course on how to be a girl.  Heck, if it weren’t for my friends I might be your stereotypical butchy lesbian.  Now I’m just an average everyday lesbian.  Haha, as Dutchess would say, “That’s how they get you.  They look just like you and me, friend.  Just like you and me.”  Ahahaha.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. cortejo
    Nov 26, 2009 @ 11:39:20

    but how does your skin feel today?

    Reply

  2. vongaynip
    Nov 26, 2009 @ 13:03:38

    It feels really soft, actually! And I’m less itchy than usual. A good sign, yes?

    Reply

  3. cortejo
    Nov 26, 2009 @ 14:12:00

    sure! if you turn red, break out more, itch more, bad. Feel soft, sexy and not itchy, good!

    Reply

  4. vongaynip
    Nov 26, 2009 @ 17:33:37

    Option B! Yay!

    Reply

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