Gaynip, for Her!

Yesterday was such a Moan-Day and then it wasn’t.

I hadn’t even left the house yet and my bra strap pops off.  I didn’t have time to peel off my layers and fix it so I had to walk to work with one of the girls a little bouncier than the other.  Thank God I walk to work at 5am and in the dark…in layers.

The shift was pretty good, no real complaints about that.  I called The Boss to talk shop.  I thought he’d be cranky with me for complaining to him so early on a Monday morning, but he was with me on my gripes.

So…I had a meet up with Cortejo and Shane.  Something always happens to make me late or eff it up.  If I believed in God, I’d say He was messing with me.  I get part way to the city and decide to stop for gas somewhere on the way in because it’s cheaper.  It’s full service the place I stop and he’s already pumping the gas before I can find my wallet in my massive purse (I need a smaller one, such a big purse is unbecoming of a lesbian).  Long story short, no wallet.  Apologize to gas guy, apologize to Cortejo (to the point I’m sure if I had said “I’m sorry” one more time she might have throttled me)…drive alllllll the way home, grab my wallet, gas up in town, fly like the wind to the city.  I’m pretty easy going person most of the time.  But that’s one of those things that flaps me…I really hate making people wait.

I realized yesterday, talking with Cortejo that sheesh, I really don’t want to be in love.  Not right now, anyway.  It’s really terrible, I am a total guy about it.  I get squirrelly about it.  Girls just say it at the drop of a hat…the hat hasn’t even hit the floor, it’s not even out of your fingers yet and someone is saying “I love you”.  I said it to Steph, but turns out it wasn’t so much love as I was just…yeah.  <Shrug>

“I love you, baby”

<Pulling pants on>”Yeah, that’s great.  Listen, I’ve got to go.  My cat…is having…emergency rhinoplasty in the morning.”

“It’s 2 in the afternoon!!”

Hahaha what can I say?  I’m sure it’ll happen one day where some girl makes me all doe-eyed and full of feelings, I’ll want to hold hands and buy matching hers-and-hers towels.  Until then, bring on the ladies!

Shane isn’t actually named Shane, but we were swapping girl stories yesterday and she’s the Gay Fonz (Like Shane from The L Word).  Two girls at once.  That’s every straight man and lesbian’s dream.  I bow down to her awesomeness.  We’re so alike, it’s rather comical.  We say we’re evil twins.  Evil Wonder Twins.  I wonder what we’d take the form of?  Something evil?  Something gay?  Something evil AND gay?

We were looking at some movies in Zellers and commenting on this movie where Selma Hayek has a gay moment with Ashley Judd.

Shane:  Selma Hayek is hot.  Ashley Judd is hot.

Me:  It’s always awesome when hot chicks make out.  It’s less awesome when not so hot chicks make out.  Like say, Rita McNeil making out with Oprah.  No one wants to see that.

Shane:  <Getting a visual>  Oh my God!  Where do you come up with this stuff, and so fast?

Don’t try to understand my mind…I’m mad, mad I tell you!

I talk a lot…I don’t know how to shut up sometimes.  I get nervous, I get rambley.  They have all their ears and both still want to hang out, so hurray for small miracles.

D and I have some up with a new commercial idea.  We were talking about The Learning Channel (which has really transformed into a channel devoted to the misery of human lives) had a show about a 650lb virgin guy who was at something called “Meow” which was a cougar gathering (Oh my God, I want to go!) and he had a panic attack when they spoke to him.  D says I should rub up against him since I’m so good at getting cougars to chase me.  I said I’d rather bottle it…just think, I’d make millions.  So the idea is that we’d do a perfume commercial based on “Gaynip” scent.  We need a cougar to tackle me.  Sorta like Axe, but gayer.  And with cougar sound effects.

…Hmmm…who could I impose upon to tackle and maul me…

Today Is:

  • World AIDS Day.  Wear a ribbon.  Be aware.
  • the day Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white person and move to the back of a bus.  She started the civil rights movement.
  • the day James Naismith invented Basketball.
  • the day the first issue of Playboy hit stands.  God Bless you, Hugh.
  • Tuesday.
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