Exercise: The Death of Gaynip

Last night, I decided to walk another 6km (on top of the 2km I usually do), 4 elevated push-ups and 30 sit-ups.  I have come to realize a few things:

  • I have wet noodle girl arms.
  • The only way I can run is if a pack of wild dogs are chasing me because someone has soaked my pants in meat.
  • I have callouses in the shape of Florida and Italy respectively.  Odd.
  • I am afraid to take off my boots/socks after the walk in to work.
  • It is way easier to lay on the couch watching reruns of The Golden Girls than it is to get into shape.
  • I don’t think it’s normal to turn purple and see spots.  Nor is it normal for my heart to match the beat of an American High School drum line.
  • I get the distinct impression that Basic Training will require a lot of crying, swearing and praying to any deity that will listen.
  • I am possibly the only person in existence that got tennis elbow from lifting weights.
  • Office Mom is right…if I die, no one will notice for a week.  By the time they find me it’ll be like Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Black Cat”.  Depressing.
  • Is this what Kirstie Alley goes through every time she lifts her own gigantic arm and feeds herself instead of letting the motorized fork do the work?

In all seriousness, this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done.  If you’d asked me that 9 months ago, you would have most definitely received a different answer.

I have caved this morning and had a cup of coffee.  The teapot didn’t auto-shut off and boiled up my water.  As I was standing there with an air of disappointment, Smelly Man tempted me with a cup of mocha java.  I know I said I wasn’t going to drink coffee at work anymore, and that I was cutting way-way-way back…and I have.  But it was just to enticing.  I’m still riding the soda-pony as well.  Dutchess said to me a while back, “I thought you were giving up coffee and pop.” to which my reply was, “I can’t.  I just can’t do it.  I can give up coffee, but I can’t give up pop.  I haven’t had sex in forever, frankly I think the Pepsi Max is what is keeping me sane an anchored.”  I’m only human!  This morning I had this terrifying thought, “What if sex falls into that whole, ‘If you don’t use it you lose it’ category.”  Oh God.

On a semi-related note, the Cougar who’s been stalking me for months is insane.  She messaged me the other night while I was watching “Zombieland” (awesome!) and asked if I was busy.  I wasn’t.  She didn’t reply right away and I noticed the kitchen light flickering, so I went and changed the bulb.  I was gone 2 minutes, tops.  She freaks out.  “I guess you’re not interested have a nice life.  I hope you find what you’re looking for.”  Jesus H. Christ.  I was gone 2 minutes.  Then, she throws in there as some kind of a barb that she hates how I repeat the time.  That Aaron used do to that and when someone pointed out how annoying it was, he stopped.  First off, yes Aaron was a big market hot shot.  Aaron also got fired and no longer works in radio.  Second, why do women feel the need to be real See-You-Next-Tuesday’s when things don’t go their way with relationships (or in this case a potential one).  I mean, honestly, are we still in elementary school?  I was waiting for a follow up, “stupid head!” but alas never got it.

I found a new blog this morning we are going to make mention of on the show.  I’ve added it to my blogroll, it’s called “The Problem with Young People Is…” and I gotta say, I agree with this crotchety old man.  Maybe I am an old soul.  I love his Wish List the most…I’d love to see young people wearing uniforms.  An end to things like exposed tramp stamps, thongs/boxers, anything that says “Thug Life” and hats with the unbent brims/stickers on em (cause apparently the cool thing is to look like you stole the hat).

Sometimes the best part of my workday is that my chair swivels.

Might be in the City today.  Leh is looking for a reason to take a trip up to the city.  I think I’ll go along for the ride.  Maybe I can do some shopping while she’s in her meeting.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. cortejo
    Dec 15, 2009 @ 18:04:26

    Awww you broke the cougar’s heart. tisk!

    I hate chat. I don’t care what program you use there are lags, and dropped comments, or re-ordered comments. I figure if what you need to know is CRITICAL I have a phone. I could answer it.


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