No More Kirstie Alley Jokes – For Lent, Anyway

Someone has been searching for me using my SCA name again.  <Head scratch>  Who keeps looking for me?  Oh well.  <Waves>

This morning is the first time in…ages that I think I was embarrassed someone I know was listening to my show at work.  Usually, people just ask me to “say something radio”.  Ilanikhan teased me about the pancake talk Smelly Man and I had, as I referenced her comment yesterday that crepes are hard to make.  I really want some though (and bacon, again!).  I think it will be a requirement for the girl I ‘marry’.  Wouldn’t that be some personal ad?

“L seeking L who can cook crepes like a French chef.  No other cooking experience required.  A love of nerdy things, sarcastic comments, Pepsi Max and naps an asset.”

Hahaha I have such high standards, don’t I?  I don’t know that I could handle living with someone who was an amazing cook.  I don’t want to have to butter myself into any doorways, and I don’t even like butter.  Except on popcorn.

I never did get around to making pancakes for supper last night.  I had casserole instead.

I finished my presentation for Practicum yesterday.  Except documentation.  I think I’m just going to compile a separate sheet, print one of them and if anyone wants a copy, they can e-mail me.  I’m toying with the idea of putting the information in a PDF file.  Even if it’s just for myself.  I forgot to e-mail myself the slide show to print out.  I’ll do that tonight.  I will.  I  must.  I made more tiny vials too.  Seeds, salt and Rachel tells me she got me holy water!

Got the pile of laundry in the bedroom tackled.  I have no idea where all those clothes came from.  They’re mine, this I know…but I don’t remember having so many outfits.  It’s crazy.

It’s a heart shaped world if you love yourself…

This morning Ilanikhan and I ended up talking about a city station discussing the Kevin Smith seat issue (he got kicked off a plane for being too big for the seat, but he got himself into the seat and all buckled in).  One one of the hosts said that she felt sorry for a woman who was too fat to get on a ride.  I have to admit, I’d probably be embarrassed for her too.  Ilanikhan says that’s because we’ve been programmed to do that.  I would say she’s right.  Not all fat people are fat because they eat too much or poorly, or that they don’t exercise.  I’m fat because I’m lazy and sleep a lot.  But I also come from people who are generally larger framed and carry a lot of weight.  I’ve watched my Nanny struggle with her weight her whole life (exercise, diets, surgeries and more) until her doctor told her she’d never lose it.  She was so depressed for so long about that.  I couldn’t help but think that we all loved her and that she should love herself.  Kind of funny considering I can’t apply that to myself.

I was way bigger a few  years ago.  Something around 250-260lbs.  I dropped down to 190lbs.  It’s fluxed since then.  I thought losing the weight would make me feel better about myself, and it did to an extent.  But I still hate the way I look naked.  I don’t think I’m attractive, at all.  I am completely hung up about it some days.  Everyone is so obsessed with being thinner.  I keep asking myself how much weight would I need to lose before I’d be happy?  I keep saying another 20-30lbs.  Would it, though?  Or would I just find something else to be unhappy about?  Maybe then I’d get a nose job.  Or a boob job (like my sister is planning).  I’m smart enough to know I should love myself no matter what, but I can’t silence my step mother’s voice in the back of my head, “Are you sure you want to eat that?  You’re fat.  I don’t want you to be fat.”  Then she wonders what happened to Elspeth…

It’s not just fat people who have that problem.  My sister was diagnosed as being “borderline anorexic” when she was in high school.  She’d pick at her food, throw out her lunches, skip meals and sneered at fat people.  Another close friend was hospitalized with her anorexia problem…she constantly weighed herself, skipped meals, etc.  She wrote this wonderful poem after she got better about how she was not a coat hanger, not something thing to hang your designer clothes off of.

Someone once accused me of being a size-ist after I was grossed out.  On the surface, I could see how it would look that way…the guy was big.  But that wasn’t the issue.  The guy wasn’t wearing a shirt and was really hairy…there was food all about.  I would have tossed my cookies if I had found a sweaty belly hair in my bowl.  I have a hair phobia.  (Oh God, Lydia was cleaning out a hair brush a few weeks ago and my stomach did a slow greasy roll.)  Had nothing to do with his size.  I’ve dated people of all shapes and sizes and it doesn’t matter.

Speaking of fat stuff, you know what I hate?  I hate that guys can be fat and that’s okay but girls are fat and that’s gross and unattractive.  It’s perfectly normal to see a fat guy with a hot, thin girlfriend.  But you see a fat girl with a thin boyfriend…that’s cause for discussion.  He must be a chubby chaser.  ARGH.

On my blogroll (righthand side) you can find a link to Joy Nash: Fat Rant.  It’s a great blog and she did a bunch of videos that are funny and intelligent on the subject of being fat.  Check it out.

Admittedly, I make fun of Kirstie Alley.  A lot.  She’s just such an easy target.  Maybe I should give that up for Lent!  I’m not going to make fun of Kirstie Alley.  Yeah.  No more Kirstie Alley jokes.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. cortejo
    Feb 17, 2010 @ 13:17:01

    People are looking for you because you are teaching this weekend and they want to know if they know you, is my guess.

    PS You are hot hot hot hot hot


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