Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

I can tell by the conversations I’m having this morning that today is going to be an interesting day…

Qlike and I were talking about sex this morning, specifically, the option of saying “no”.  He told me that one thing he learned in his 20’s, being a man that didn’t think with his sex drive (unlike most of his contemporaries) if he turned down his then-girlfriend for sex, she would become very angry.  I’ve heard of that before, and it made me wonder what the deal was.  Is that normal?  I don’t sleep with men, and in my f/f relationships it has yet to be an issue.

Shane says it’s a lovers thing, not just a m/f thing.  It’s not woman per say, but when a couple has sex is determined by the partner with the lesser sex drive, because they’re the one saying “no”.  We all know that “no means no” and that’s the end of the story.  She offers up the point that a person is permitted to be angry about “no” if the other partner is using it as a weapon in order to get something they want (gifts, dinners, favours, etc).  Qlike says that he doesn’t even get mad when sex is attempted to be used as a weapon, because that’s what one’s overactive imagination is for.

And what about partnering with someone who has a sex drive that’s not as high as yours?  It’s not like that comes up on a first date.  And the first little bit of a relationship generally is ruled by copious amounts of sex…so once you settle in with someone, and you realize they only like sex once a week (or less) and you like it once a day, what’s a person to do?  Does that work?  That must lead to a lot of frustration.  I knew a couple, who had fairly steady sex, then it began to dwindle because he was stressed out at work.  She dealt with this, was understanding.  Frustrated, but understanding.  Then, she found out that he was taking care of his needs without her and she was pissed (note:  he wasn’t cheating).  It brought an end to their several year relationship.  Should she have continued to be more understanding?  I don’t know.  I think there’s only so much a person can do.

Should a person who doesn’t want sex cave to the needs of their partner?

I’m just wondering where this idea that women get to be in charge?  Is it because it’s an empowering thing?  Is it because it’s “our body” and we decide?  And if so, why is it that so many women get upset when men don’t want to have sex?  If it’s their body, should the same rules not apply?  I’ve got a few girlfriends who get upset if their man says “no” to sex, and then in turn deny him the next time he’s in the mood.  That hardly seems right.

Personally, I don’t think anyone should be upset or angry (unless there’s an underlying continued issue – talk it out).  And no one should be “in charge” of sex.  If you both want to have sex, great.  If one of you doesn’t, then don’t.  I really don’t like the idea of someone sleeping with me because I want it and they don’t.  I think that would make me feel worse than just being turned down.

“According to a Men’s Health survey on a guy and his money, 40% of men would allow another man to sleep with their girlfriend or wife for money.”  This just in…40% of men are douchebags.  (I wish I could say that on the air!)  I wonder how many of those men would admit that to their girlfriend or wife?  I think that number would change.  I wonder how many women would let someone sleep with their spouse for money?



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