Gaynip Gets the Warm & Squishies…& A Side of Sarcasm

I just realized while I was sitting here trying to hammer out another idea for this blog, that Cortejo and I have been dating for 3 months.  I don’t really do mini-milestones, “Oh, honey…it’s the 3 month anniversary of the first time we ate Chinese food together.”  I don’t plan on starting to either.  Unless, you know, there’s some kind of 3 month strip-tease or lap-dance that I’m entitled to receive.  In which case, I’m all about mini-milestones.

Haha, could you picture that on one of those pocket agendas?  In the back it has the list of wedding anniversaries and what gift you get someone when they are married for a certain length of time.  Anniversary gifts you give your sweetie within the first year of dating…

  • 1 month – Box of contraceptives
  • 2 months – Bottle of  lubricant
  • 3 months – A lap dance or strip tease
  • 4 months – A suggestive note/text/voice mail
  • 5 months – Pregnancy test (or if you’re in a same sex relationship…flavoured lubricant)
  • 6 months – Lingerie
  • 7 months –  New bedsheets (restraint system optional)
  • 8 months – A day without nagging
  • 9 months – A gift certificate to the local adult store (nothin’ says ‘I love you’ like a new vibrator or rubber catsuit)
  • 10 months – An all day sex-a-thon
  • 11 months – Bail money (nookie in public is generally frowned upon)

“Happy 10 month anniversary…call in sick to work you’re not going anywhere.  I’ve installed a mini-fridge in the bedroom and stocked it with Gatorade and power bars.  …Why are you still wearing pants?”

[Wistful sigh]

I just thought it was worth mentioning because 4 months ago, the conversation went something like this,

“I am a terrible girlfriend.”

“That’s cool, I don’t really want a girlfriend anyway.”

“I don’t have time, I’m really busy!”

“That’s fine.  I have a life too.”

Except that somewhere along the way she became a part of my life.  I see her pretty often and my friends tease me that I gush about her like she invented the internet and hung the moon.  Some days, I wonder.

Oh yeah, and Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!  Tabhair dom an rud céanna atá ag an fhear ar an urlár! Éirinn go brách!

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