Where Exhaustion Catches Up

My eyes are red and bleary this morning, as exhaustion is settling into my bones.  I’ve got things to do before I can go home and grab a nap (like get the rent, pay the internet bill and haul the bike out of the truck and into the apartment).  I don’t think it’s a good sign when your very first thought of the day (literally as the alarm clock was going off) is “I can’t wait to have a nap”.  That doesn’t bode well for the rest of the day.  It’s all I can think about this morning.  Almost, all I can think about, anyway.

The weekend has everything to do with how tired I am…but if I could rewind it and do it differently, I wouldn’t.

Friday night I expected to spend a quiet night at home working on an SCA project and working on my LARP notes.  I realized I’d bought a craft item and it didn’t have what I needed, so I made the trek back up to the dollar store.  I was thirsty and jones-ing for a Pepsi Max.  I hate that the pop is right by the register.  I got orange juice instead.  I went for a bit of a drive and was chatting with Cortejo when she asked if I wanted a visit from Reyl.  And that is how I ended up having plans to go dancing in Montreal on a whim.  He picked me up and we grabbed some coffee for fuel, and off we went.  It was a great time.  I am super thankful for the awesome goth clothes that D gave me for Christmas because we went to a goth club!  I’ve lost so much weight though that it almost doesn’t fit anymore.  I got to meet a few of Reyl’s very cool MTL friends and had an awesome time.  I even managed to not look like a complete spaz!  We got home at 6 am and I took Rely to my regular breakfast spot, where we had a big breakfast and then home to crash.  I had so much fun doing stuff with Reyl and hope that he and I can do hang outs more often!

I didn’t really sleep and was back up at 9 to go to work and pick up the truck, I even went in my jammies.  I couldn’t give a flying fig what the Sizzle thinks of my plaid PJ bottoms and sweater.  Back home and crawled back into bed for about 20 minutes before I heard my chat make a little bee-boop noise.  Cortejo wanting to go to the Farmer’s Market, if I picked her up in time, when we went to visit my Uncle.  I grabbed a quick shower, and told her that for maximum girlfriend efficiency there needed to be caffeination.  And in true care-taker fashion there was a cup of coffee and a snack for the trip.  Got to love that.  Off we went for a nice day in Brock-Vegas.  Hit the farmers market, had a nice lunch, and spent a good half hour in a nice little bookstore.  Then we went to visit my Uncle.

Have to say I was really surprised that Cortejo was nervous.  She is always so confident, sometimes I forget that she is susceptible to the same feelings.  My Uncle is a pretty cool guy and had a few beers  before we got there, so I’m pretty sure she could have stripped down and danced the hula on the kitchen table and he wouldn’t have batted a negative eyelash about it.  He didn’t know my parents weren’t talking to me, and I don’t think took it seriously  until I was surprised to learn that my grandmother had knee surgery.  That left me feeling really frustrated.  Someone should have said something.  I wonder if she had died, would I have found out about that?  I got to climb into the big rig and sit in the driver’s seat.  Uncle says to me, “Look at you!  You’re glowing!  Like a big kid.”  I daresay that’s where I come by my childlike nature as he climbed in after me, “Look!  Look!  Bunk beds!” and told us the story about how it rolled before Christmas.  I had to get out of there soon after, 3 people in a hot and small space made me feel trapped.  I don’t normally have claustrophobia, but I needed outta there fast.

He gave me an old tenant’s bike that she had never used and left in his garage for the last 3 years.  The tires still have the little hairs on them!!  I have to replace the back tire because it has a leak.  That’s gonna cost me $14.  No hardship there, since it was a free bike!  I’ll buy a pump too.  I’m hoping to having it fixed by midweek so I can go for a bike ride.  Reyl said he has a bike rack for the car I can have (since it won’t fit the Lynch Mobile) this way I can pack my bike on my trips to the city should I desire to go riding!  I’m excited to get back on the bike.  Not excited for a raging case of bicycle ass.

The trip back was semi-quiet as there was a storm and Cortejo was focused for much of it on driving in the pounding rain.  I was feeling exhausted (emotionally and physically) but managed to keep up some semblance of conversation and not fall under the hypnotic spell of the rain.  I had to have a nap when we got back to the house or I was going to be completely asleep by 6pm.  I didn’t really fall into a normal nap, but I did rest.  Lydia came to wake me up by climbing up my body and giggling in my ear.  She woke up the Tickle Monster and we played a little bit before getting up for supper.  Who knew that lentils made a good vegetarian sloppy joe?  I didn’t.  Heck, if someone had told me it was good, I would have been dubious.  It was really good though.  Must have been because Lydia helped.  She is still very excited that I am not able to have sugar too.  “I have sugar-free popsicles and you can have one after supper if you want!”  Very cute.

All week I have been carrying around an extra weight with me.  Not physically, but spiritually.  Like being held down by stones, even when standing.  I had my head in Cortejo’s lap and she started to clear it all away for me with some energy work.  It was a truly wonderful feeling to not only have it lifted off, but comforting too (when isn’t having your head squitched comforting?).  Yesterday, I felt very much like my old self (I slept like the dead and Cortejo was sneaking out of bed before me, which never happens).  I’m not sure if it’s a side effect or not, but I did feel emotionally exposed from it.  Initially feeling my own emotions with more clarity and intensity and then being aware of how everyone else was feeling with great clarity.  Nerves.  Anger.  Frustration.  Sadness.  They were all rampant yesterday and very little feeling of happiness.

I had a great deal of fun fabric shopping with Ilanikhan.  I remember doing this very thing with my step-mom 9 years ago and hating it.  Conversation would go like this,

SM:  Oooh Fabricland.  Detour!  C’mon!

Me:  [Surly teenager]  I’ll be in the car listening to my music.  [Insert angst-y Sarah Mclaughlan song here]

This time I went IN the store and was treated to a lesson on what to buy and what to avoid.  We also learned about a new fabric which was on sale (buy 1m get 2 free!) so I ended up with 9m of fabric.  I’ll have enough for 3 under tunics (including the fabric I had) and 1 overtunic.  We went with brown.  I wish they’d had more period colours.  Ilani had a great idea for my new persona name when I switch over to Norse male.  “Sandarr the Beardless” to point out that I’m a girl dressing as a boy.  I think I may go with that!  It amuses me.  We had something to eat (I wasn’t sure if I was going to get fed at work) and had a great conversation.  I had a good time.

Got stuck in traffic on the way to pick up Red for work and ended up being late.  We arrived at 5:30 and that was 30 minutes past the deadline.  Madge was pissy about it, but what could I do?  I suppose I could have pushed the stalled car out of the way but I was still late.  I changed at Red’s place into standard work fair clothes, which was black slacks, dress shoes, my golf shirt and a red and black checkered scarf.  The first words out of Madge’s mouth was, “Is that what you’re wearing?  There’s a dress code.”  I didn’t get that e-mail.  So I felt very under dressed, but everyone else told me I looked great (the scarf made the outfit).  Turns out she sent the e-mail around lunchtime on Friday.  I told Ted that if we’re going to send important e-mails, they need to be sent before I leave at 10am.  Figures the one weekend I’m not a workaholic who checks my e-mail from home, they send something.  I talked to The Boss about her little comment, and about contacting people during work hours or at least a cellphone call to say “Hey, heads up!”  and that I don’t appreciate being talked to that way.

At the announcer meeting before the Concert, we were going over notes.  The Sizzle was being incredibly obnoxious, even for him.  Talking over The Boss, telling everyone how to do their job.  When it got to whom I would be introducing, he jumped in and basically started to read to me what the sheet said.  I gritted my teeth and said, “I can read you know.  I have the sheet right here.” and he keeps rambling on and on.  Finally, in a moment of frustration, I asked, “Do you just want to host this whole show yourself?”  This got the table tittering.  Double G (one of the big wigs from head office) was there to co-host the show and kept throwing me annoyed looks.  Finally, I mouthed to him, “Run away…far away.”  He laughed and gave me a pat.  Charlie was on the other side of me and apologizing profusely for my having to deal with a condescending asshole try to tell me to do my job and attempt to embarrass me in front of my colleagues.

After the meeting, Charlie was asking me about how my quitting of sugar was going.  I said that not only had I given up obvious forms and mass quantities of sugar, I was on day 3 without diet pop.  She asked if drank at all.  I told her no, since it converts to sugar and I didn’t feel so great the last time I had consumed more than just a few sips of booze.  She said, “Wow!  That sounds so boring!”  I suppose it does.  I would just like to stop poisoning myself with garbage.

Wasn’t nervous at all introducing my act.  The Sizzle had been drinking and smelled like it.  I booked it around 8pm and took Charlie home.  We had a short chat about the SCA and she wants a hobby that has nothing to do with her fiance.  She wants to come to an event.  I will have to ask about loaner garb and get her out to something!  How exciting!

Got home, hauled the old bed that D and Maverick gave me when I moved here.  It had a busted leg.  I got the box spring and mattress up the fight of stairs all by myself and out to the curb.  My underarms hurt today.  That seems like a weird place to hurt!  At least my pinched nerve isn’t bothering me today!

Chatted with Cortejo for a few minutes before bed last night as I was going through my e-mail and such.  Then it was in bed and I don’t even remember my eyelids slamming shut.  I remember turning off the light, I remember turning off the alarm clock this morning.  I was standing in front of the stereo when I woke up.  I’m going to say that’s a one off and not be too concerned, this time.

On my list of things to do today:

  • Pick up the rent and leave it for Henri
  • Pay internet bill
  • Take bike out of trunk and into the house
  • Nap
  • Wash bedding from old bed
  • Go to bed early
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