On Breaking Up

[Sigh]  I’m not having much luck today getting my thoughts onto (digital) paper.

The big question that’s been on my mind lately is why people are such jerks when they break up.  Or why people feel the need to use social media to tell the world all about it?

I’m not saying I’m a saint.  In my younger days I tended to break up with people in a rather detached kind of way.  I wasn’t mean but it wasn’t warm, either.  I can remember my worst break-up when I was still dating boys was with K.  He had been cheating on me, goodness knows for how long.  I don’t really know what happened there.  I gave him an out to come clean and he kept right on lying his face off.  I lost my temper.  To make matters worse, an hour later, I was in the local Wally World and came around a corner and who should be there but K with his new squeeze.  He stopped in his tracks and both of them looked really nervous like I was going to cause a scene.  I can only assume I gave him a withering look, but that’s all.  I moved past them and didn’t look back.  Small towns.  There was a stuff swap.  He had left some stuff at Brandy’s house though, and I refused to go get it for him.  He was afraid of her husband after he accidentally called her a dog.  I can’t say I blame him.

My nicest breakup with boys was with J.  J came out to me as a cross dresser and I was completely understanding of that.  I didn’t flip out when he came out of my bathroom in knee high books, a pencil skirt and a sleeveless top.  We talked about it.  I thought about it.  Deep down, I couldn’t do it.  Not because I have issues with cross dressing but on some subconscious level where I recognized I was gay and that a boy dressed like a girl wasn’t enough.  He was the last serious relationship I had with a guy.  We stayed friends, he came over, dressed as Alyss, we’d talk and play video games.  It was great.  The only tension ever came was when he didn’t understand why I was a lesbian.  “You could have had the best of both worlds.  A guy who dresses like a girl but with a cock.”  [Sigh]

As for girls…well…I don’t have much experience there.  I’ve been the one to do all the breaking up.  I didn’t handle my first break up great.  We’d been dating a month and she was talking about having my babies, quitting her job and moving in.  It absolutely terrified me at the idea of being tied down.  Already.  Forever.  I started to feel claustrophobic.  I broke up with her and she freaked out.  Started to play games with me.  She messaged me 2 weeks after we broke up to tell me she was engaged to her ex.  After that it was random texts about how she missed sex with me.  How I still made her hot.  I got really angry and told her to eff right off.  Then she got nasty.  It was very strange.

I don’t know why people are so callous with each other.  A defense mechanism?  A way to protect their own feelings by crushing others?  I watch the relationship status’ on Facebook change on a daily basis.  Girls who dump boys via Facebook message.  Relationships going from single to complicated to single to married to single.  It usually involves a litany of attention whoring status messages and bad mouthing.  There’s no respect.

One of the ones I was reading early today was a guy who just got married and went to Afghanistan on a tour of duty.  Things are becoming strained with his new wife.  That tends to put a lot of pressure on relationships (speaking as a former Army Brat).  Heck, while my Dad was in Egypt or Cyprus (forget which) my Mom was sleeping around.  That’s not uncommon.  But what amazed me, was he posted about it on his status message.  They’re not over yet, they’re going through a tough time.  I guess if I was in that situation I may not appreciate the entire known world knowing that my marriage was in jeopardy already.  Especially if it makes me look like the bad guy.  (She might be, but who can say for sure?)

I’ve been through a couple of painful breakups since I acquired a Facebook account (both romantic, familial and friend wise) but to my recollection I have never started a flame war with someone via my status message over it.  I’ve blogged about it, but that’s different.  I write this blog for me, to get my thoughts out.  When you start putting stuff up on Facebook, you’re looking for the attention.

People need to take a lesson from Bill and Ted:  “Be excellent to each other and party on, dudes!”

Ah but what do I know about it?


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