Unfunny Comedian

Oh my God I’m such a tool sometimes.  Yesterday, I interviewed Brent Butt.  The total interview was 8:20 and it needed some serious editing, for several reasons:

1. 8:20 is too long.  Ideally, it should be 2-3 minutes otherwise you get tune out.
2. He’s not that funny.
3. His cellphone went off and he couldn’t figure out how to shut it off.
4. He pauses a lot.  Not those kind of “pause for effect” ones either, but like I asked him what the square root of a rainbow is.
5. Did I mention he’s not that funny?  He’s not.  I’m funnier.  And I’m not that funny.

I e-mailed the file to myself so I could edit it from home and give The Sizzle back the studio (even if he does pre-record his entire show…FAIL).  It’s also faster because my desktop is faster and doing stuff like normalizing the audio and compressing it takes mere seconds instead of minutes (not to mention I can do 10 things at once while “waiting”).  It took me about 10 minutes to give it a listen, cut out the fat and fix up the sound quality.  I attached* it to an e-mail.  CCed myself (home account) and Cortejo who said she wanted to hear the interview.

*I didn’t attach it.

I didn’t notice I hadn’t attached the damn thing until…yes, you guessed it, this morning.  At work.  Thankfully, I’m a pro and I got the whole thing edited down (having done it the day before makes it easier) took 10 minutes (not including the time it took this sluggish machine to process the changes I made).

What’s really sad about this is that he’s not that funny.  I’ve done interviews with regular people who were much funnier.  Like Brenda from the SPCA back home, who would always try to sneak the word “testicles” on-air.  Definitely not the highlight or feather in my cap I thought it would be.  I guess he’s just not off the cuff funny and has to really write some material.  It’s disappointing news for some of his fans in my circle of friends.

After I wrapped the interview, I sat down with Leh and booked ourselves for some Practicum classes.  I’m wondering how many people are taking my class.  I know of 3?  Part of me hopes there are more than that…part of me hopes there aren’t.  I wouldn’t have any stage fright talking to 3 people, especially considering I know all 3 of them.  Anyway, we picked out Leh’s SCA name… “Alizan Fitzalan” which is of French origins.  Doesn’t sound French to me, sounds more…Middle Eastern?  But we got the lists from the SCA websites.

What else?  Oh!  I made granola.  I put a small batch in the oven first, and it burned.  I followed the directions, I did!  I turned the heat down to 300 instead of 325, moved the rack up one and gave it about 6 minutes each side.  Nom nom nom.  Reyl says now I’m officially a hippy for having made granola.  Free love.  Homemade cereal.  I draw the line at not washing my hair.

Good Batch/Burnt Batch

You can see that the one on the right is a bit…darker.  I shouldn’t say burnt.  It’s crisped.  I like how it brings out the taste of the sesame but I don’t like that it’s…crispy.

The Good Stuff

Nom nom nom.  It’s got oats (duh), vanilla extract, walnut pieces, sesame seeds and honey dates.  I think it needs more dates.  It’s not as crunchy as the stuff that Cortejo makes but it’s pretty darn good for a first try.  Maybe next time I will try making it with maple syrup.  Maybe a different kind of extract too.  Did you know you can get rum extract?  I’m not sure that’s the right taste for granola…but I just think that’s neat.  I don’t hang out in the baking isle too often.  Imagine how fat I’d be if I did!

I was feeling pretty productive yesterday…could have been the Monster Energy drink I got at work.  The Monster team was in town giving away the drinks to hard working people.  Lori gave me hers because she thinks they’re gross.  The green ones kinda are, but I wanted to wake up.

I started making notes on my class for Practicum and covered Zombies (short section) and have asked Red to get an actual account of Revenants voiced by someone in the city (probably The Boss) to give it a little extra flavour.  I’ve also got the section done on witches…I’m hoping there aren’t any really young people in the class.  I’ve got some “punishments” listed for witches and one of them is truly awesome in a very graphic and horrific way. I’ve got werewolves and vampires left.  I may also do a little bit on appeasing ghosts and where trick’r’treating comes from to sort of tie it all in.

Reyl has offered to do D’s part in my little skit if I would like.  I’ve got him and Cortejo reading it to make sure it’s as funny as I think.  If not, I may make up a game and give out little prizes.  Speaking of which, Rachel needs to get me some freakin’ holy water!

Next year, I totally want to teach a class on Medieval torture!  It would fit with my persona too.  I’m minimally spazzing out about giving the lecture.  I hate speaking in front of people, even when it’s a topic I know about or am passionate about.  I am really excited about my topic, and I love researching stuff and teaching people the things I learn.  It’s a captive audience that wants to listen to me wax poetic about the undead and monsters and ghouls and such.  But…but…I’m nervous.  I was putting off and sort of telling myself that if I didn’t sit down and start working on it, it wouldn’t happen.  Like an asteroid would hit my front yard and bury my car under a huge pile of snow (that miraculously didn’t melt or damage my car…just bury it).  But there’s not enough snow for that.

<Sigh>

I am completely in love with a new band called The Script, specifically their song called “Break Even”.  I was listening to the radio (not our station) and heard a few songs but the jock didn’t do a back sell (“That was…”) or a front sell (“Coming up…”) but they have an online playlist.  I didn’t even hear this song, I was just guessing at what the song I heard might have been (I was way off).  All in all a happy accident.  You can listen to the song HERE.  It’s not the official video, but whatever…

Buzzing with Excitement

My excitement for Practicum continues as I map out some plans for what the class will entail.  Dutchess is willing to help out with it, so I’m less nervous about the whole thing.  The big problem will be we tend to feed off each other and even if no one else finds what we do funny, we will.  I imagine there will be some snickering and giggling.

I remember when we were in high school, I was doing a presentation in Geography class on Austria.  We had to do a little piece, in our project, about a famous person from the country we chose.  I did Mozart.  He had something like 11 kids but only 4 of them (I’m guessing, I can’t remember exact numbers & I’m too lazy to Wiki it) survived.  So, D dared me to do that whole Simpson’s “Fluffy gave birth to 8 healthy bunnies…5 survived” where the first part is very upbeat and the “5 survived” is really deep and  depressing sounding.  The day of the presentation arrived, and naturally, I was very nervous but decided to read the line about Mozart’s kids as D dared me to.  I delivered it flawlessly, and D laughed so hard that we had to actually had to stop the presentation so she could laugh it out.  Mrs. Kernohan was a good sport.

My favours are being shipped so I’ll get them either by Christmas or shortly thereafter.  Not holding my breath before the holidays to be honest.  I’m going to give favours to people, I think, based on participation from the class.  Everyone is going to get something, but not everyone will get a period favour.  I’m also not charging any kind of a fee for this class.  I’m a newbie and I’m sure I’ll screw up something (documentation).  I am going to do the class in garb, as I have decided Adelhayt will be rather superstitious about these beings.  So the whole thing may be styled as Adelhayt’s Tips’n’Tricks to Identifying and Slaying Unholy Spawn.  That’s a working title, mind you.  It’s a bit long.

Have I mentioned I’m excited?  Very…very…excited.  Can you get a Laurel in monster or the undead?  I hope so!

Tonight is poker night.  I’m pleased at this.  A few people don’t know how to play, which is one of the reasons we’re not playing for money.  Not to mention it’s Christmas and we radio people are already pretty damn broke without having to blow our meager paycheques on gambling habits.  There will be munchies, drinks, laughs and merry making.  I wonder if we could turn this into a monthly thing.  That would be great.  We need something around here to lift the morale.

My list of things to do:

• Clean the bathroom.  I noticed my new shampoo made my hair colour bleed out last night.  <Sigh>
• Dig out stocking and Christmas hat.
• Nap.
• Have fun with friends! :)

Damn you, Trinity!

Ahhhh I finally got to watch the season finale of Dexter.  AHHH.  That can’t happen.  What is he going to do now?  I knew it.  I knew it.  I totally called that.  DAMMIT!  I’m going to miss that character.  BAH.   I hate the Trinity Killer.  Hate.  Him.  But love John Lithgow.

Side note:  I have a total crush on Deb this season.  Far less annoying and much stronger.  Plus, she’s still swears like a sailor in such creative ways…she’s so cute.

Debra Morgan

I got a rare treat of talking to Dutchess this morning before 7am!

I had her order my SCA favours for me from E-Bay.  I’m very excited to give my talk at Practicum.  Leh says her Dad has a projector I can use to teach my class with.  Excellent.  I know how at least one of those slides are going to go.  I am plotting and researching.  I was a bit worried about filling a whole hour with information but I think I will add a little entertainment value into the whole thing.

I’ve been giving some thought about my persona.  I need to work on a back story about why she’s a scholar in such matters.  Maybe I’ll have her fiance mauled by werewolves or bitten by a vampire.  I’ve already got his name all picked out (because that’s half the fun) “Wilhelm Faust”.  Oooh, since her father was the judge, maybe he was the executioner.  Yes, that will do nicely.  Once he was killed and “returned to life” she could have been sent south to Nürnberg.  Yes…I’ll have to work on that.

Totally off my game this morning.  I attribute this to being out all day yesterday with Leh (and Red for a bit) in the city, doing some shopping.  I’ve picked up Christmas gifts for Dutchess, Office Mom (and Random), Ers, Chantal, Bingo Bear, Bob…I need to get something for Maverick and Leh.  Leh wants German beer.  Done.  We’re laughing at the gift we got for Office Mom…long PJ shirt and the present for Random is that we didn’t get the pants!  Ha.  He’s always complaining about her flannels, so at least maybe he’ll find less to whine about.

The other reason I think I’m so tired is because I forgot my MP3 player in the truck last night, so I had to walk to work in abject silence.  15 minutes where the only sounds were the steady beat of my feet on the pavement, the swish of my jacket and my swearing.  -19 with the wind is easier to swallow with something to take your mind off of it.

Busy day ahead of me…

• Christmas Pageant with Office Mom & Chantal.  (Their daughters go to the same school and both are excited to have me there.  I’m excited.)
• Coffee or lunch with The Rachel.
• Pick up Leh’s beer and a gift for Maverick.
• Groceries.
• Pickup gift bags.  I wrap a nice gift, but with cats in the house it makes it harder to do.
• Nap.  (Wishful thinking)
• House chores.

Mulholland Drive Me Crazy

I think WordPress is by far the best journal platform/software available online.  One of the features I like about it in comparison to say, LiveJournal (besides that it’s less emo), is the stats.  Not only can I see how many hits my blog is getting on a daily basis, but each day can be accessed to see where those hits are coming from.  I can see how people are searching for things and make their way to this blog if they type in say “SCA”.

So, why am I talking about this?  Someone has been searching for me.  Pretty specifically too.  Using not my moniker of “Gaynip” but my full SCA persona name.  It’s terribly interesting because most people can’t pronounce my SCA name and I’m constantly having to break it down, so for someone to spell it out is amazing.  “Adelhayt…Addle-Hide.  You know, like the hide of an animal.”  Dutchess said she cracked up at Hare numerous times as she could hear me trying wearily to explain it.  It’s weird to say and even stranger to spell (that’s old German for you).

<Waving> Hello, whoever you are, seeking me out via my persona name.  Willkommen.

Last night, I decided to watch one of the movies that Office Mom lent me.  Her sister works for Warner Canada, so she’s got stacks of DVDs (some aren’t even open!) for me to borrow.  As we were standing there picking them out “Mulholland Drive” jumped out at me.  I don’t even know where to start with this one.  Every few minutes heard me cry out, “What the <expletive> is going on?”.  It was all over the map, totally tough to follow and the acting was sub-par.  In retrospect, the acting of the blonde, “Betty” might have been bad on purpose given the outcome of the film and who “Betty” turns out to be.  Still, this movie is incredibly messed up and not even the girl-on-girl action (didn’t even know that was in this movie) could make up for it.  Speaking of that…this is how unaware I was caught.

Rita knocks on Betty’s door in the middle of the night swaddled in a towel.  Betty feels bad for making Rita sleep on the couch, and invites her to sleep in the big bed.

Gaynip’s inner monologue:  On the couch in a towel no less.  Sheesh.

Rita climbs in next to Betty and sheds the towel.  There is much upper-frontal-nudity.

G.i.M:  What the…nice!  Who sleeps nude with their friends like that?

Rita leans up, revealing more upper-frontal-nudity and kisses Betty on the forehead.

G.i.M:  Okay!  Seriously, it’s one thing to kiss your friend…another thing entirely to have your boobs in…

Rita and Betty start making out which lead to that whole “I’ve never done this before” sex that looks like both of them have done that before.

G.i.M:  This still doesn’t make the last 1 hour and 40 minutes worth it!

It was around that time that I checked the remaining time and was horrified to find I was just beyond halfway through the film.  I had sort of pieced it together but to satisfy my curiosity, I needed to Google it and have someone explain it to me.  I get it, I do.  That having been said, it was still a crappy use of 2.5 hours.  I know what you’re wondering, probably the same thing as Cortejo, “Why didn’t you just shut it off?” but I can’t do that!  I have to finish a movie, I have to know what happens.  The only time I’ve actually walked away from a movie was “Be Cool“.  I got up and cleaned my house, I was so bored.

Work this morning is fairly quiet.  We played some Boney M Christmas songs so I dedicated them to Dutchess and her Mom, Bingo Bear.

Gaynip:  Hey, does your Mom still have that Boney M Christmas tape?

D:  What?  Boney M Christmas tape?

Gaynip:  Yeah, when we were growing up your Mom used to crank up the Boney M.  Drove you nuts.

D:  …<Picks up the phone and leaves her Mom a voice message asking about the tape>

What’s really funny is that Bingo Bear called D back a few days later and said she had lost the tape and bought the CD.  Then asked D if she wanted a copy.  D asks me why I can remember these things…I think it’s because it just strikes me as funny.  It was Boney M and Hanson.  Terrible, terrible.

I Doth Be A Nerd

Garb for Feast

So, I think I’ve decided to switch backgrounds for my SCA persona.  I was sort of at war with the German/Scottish-Gaelic backgrounds but the German name I’d picked out…no one can freakin’ say it.  Frustrating to have to repeat yourself, and I don’t feel right correcting The Royals.  Just easier this way.   Not to mention, it’s a nice tribute to the woman who was a huge part of my life growing up.

Yes, I’m aware the garb isn’t Scot-Gael but it’s still period garb.  Considering, the stuff I do have, that is period, is more for a male persona, I think this is still a step in the right direction.  I’ll have to bug Chris to make me some of my own garb if I decide to join.

I’ll probably end up with a male persona, maybe a German one.  That way when I don’t feel like walking around in a dress (99.99999% of the time) I can wear pants and a tunic.

In other nerdly news:

Zombie Emo Gaynip & Zombie Daddy

I got separated from DC, Dutchess & Maverick when I went in search for Songe (whom I didn’t find til the walk was over) and ended up finding The Creator with Zombie Baby Eggburt (yes, Eggburt).  So, we lurched along together and of course he was the star of the show with that nasty little baby.  After he was interviewed some of the photogs asked us to pose together.

Side note:  I’m so fat…Jesus…looks like an accordion belly.  <Finger waggle @ self>  No more snacks for me!  …Starting next month.  No point making that commitment BEFORE Halloween.

Played D&D all day Sunday (except for the brief nap) and it was awesome.  The Dutchess and myself play better versions of ourselves.  Sadly, I’m still fat in this world.  BUT…if someone calls me fat, I can hurl a table or cart at them.

Best game quote:

Maverick:  There is a small gold plated statue of a mule on the mantle.

Me:  I take it and put it in my sack.

Dutchess:  I wonder if it’s magical and we could command it to change into a real mule.

Me:  NOT while it’s in my sack!

Dutchess:  HEEHAW <makes cloth ripping sound effect>

Me:  <Laughs til I cry, for about 5 minutes>

Maverick:  I shouldn’t have given you that sugar.

More gaming tonight before I go home and get ready for a short work week!